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I think that it is safe to say that most, if not all, husbands have that small fear of their father-in-law. If you have not been introduced to his gun collection, heard any hunting stories, or been on the receiving end of a death look, than maybe you don’t have this dull fear that always sits in the background whenever he is in the room. My father-in-law is a great man. Never given me a lick of trouble, never caused me any ounce of pain, but I still fear him because he is tall, thick and possesses two large hands that could squash me like a grape in seconds flat. I always feel like a twerp in his presence, especially because he has built three houses with his own hands, and I can’t even hammer in a picture frame, which is why I was very surprised he asked me to help him one summer with his landscaping business.
His normal hired hand was taken ill and could no longer help him with his projects. I was hired at the same rate of pay, which shocked me given my lack of experience. I finally boiled it down to the fact that it was in some way helping his daughter financially by using me as the pawn, and I was completely fine with that. The first weekend went well. I helped him install three residential lawns. The following week, we restored a deck, and excavated a flower garden. Again, no problems. By week three, I felt like I could take on any project. I even found myself hanging a broken door, fixing the dishwasher, and solved a nagging plumbing problem. My wife thought I was abducted and replaced with a pod. Those secure feelings rapidly escaped the following Saturday.
It was a rainy day, which is why I was surprised to hear we were still on. The area we were working in was a mud pit to begin with. Add a few inches of rain, and it could lead to a really big mess. However, he had to get this lawn down because he had other jobs lined up. So we get out there, and I am driving the little 4-wheel drive diesel cart as he walked behind me feeding the hay bale chopper. You could tell he was in a pissed off mood because of the weather, and the condition of the ground was not helping the matter. I did not help the matter much, either, when I got stuck in a huge rut right near a tree. He spent a few moments trying to get me out, swearing the entire time. He came up with the idea he would pry the chopper out of the mod and prevent it from being an anchor in the mud. He told me to hit the gas, and I did. I heard him yell something, to which I took as “Go, go, go!” What he was actually saying was “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I did not notice this until after I slammed on the gas and looked back as my father-in-law was pinned between the chopper and the tree.
I almost lost it. After freaking out momentarily, I finally stopped the cart, backed it up enough to where he could get out from between the two, and I ran to his aid. The words this man came up with, I never heard before in my young life. He swore me up and down, but directed it at the machine, as he walked away trying to tend to his shoulder I nearly ripped out of socket. I didn’t know what to do. I hurt the man badly, that I could see. How could I fix it? I tried several times to help him, but his mood he gave off told me to stay the hell away for a bit. About twenty minutes later, he grabbed the machine, turned it on, vocally forced my ass back in the car, and I didn’t say another two words.
We finished the lawn about two hours later. After the long period of silence, we loaded up the machine to his trailer, hopped in the truck, and headed home. I didn’t say a word until about halfway there, and asked if he was ok, hoping he would tell me not to worry about it. He grumbled that he was fine, and I was dropped off without a sound. I immediately told my wife how I almost killed her father, and she could not believe I was still alive. We were invited over for dinner a few days later, and I was expecting to be murdered before dessert. Shockingly, he was fine. My wife told him I filled her in on the story, to which he replied with a smack on the arm and a lecture about how you don’t tell the women everything. Dinner went down smoothly, but the entire meal I could not fathom why he hasn’t killed me yet. In fact, I am still here today.
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